thinking about you still brings tears to my eyes and I know I say I don’t care but I also told you I didn’t care if we were to stop talking and look at me now. you were there for me at my worst and I’m so much better now, oh my god I would’ve made you proud. maybe one day we’ll meet again but I bet I’d still pretend I didn’t see you and keep walking the other way. I’m such an asshole and you always put up with it but I just want to make you laugh again because the sparkle in your eyes lit up my universe in my darkest days and for years now I’ve been left with a shade not even the brightest summer fucking days could light up. you were everything for me that year.
I fucking hate you and how you left without saying why. I regret what happened between us because things didn’t turn out okay.
But it’s nights like these that remind me of all those times you were there to comfort me & make me smile. It’s nights like these that I sleep with your hoodie on & snuggle up into it pretending it’s you. & sadly, it’s nights like these that make me realize I don’t hate you, & I don’t regret anything. I’m learning to be grateful for having you, even if it was only for a little while; I gave you the best of me, & when you left you took it with you. Tonight is when I heal myself from the pain of your absence.
I haven’t felt like this in a while. I thought I was getting better, but how will I get better if something bad always happens. It seems as if as soon as I get everything I need, I lose everything. I don’t want to do anything I’ll regret but what’s the point of trying to resist anymore.